WP3 Final Draft: Building Awareness

Jordan Caldwell

Zack de Piero

Writing 2

29 May 2016

WP3: Building Awareness

              Depression is a mental disorder characterized by constant feelings of sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness and is influenced by a neurotransmitter called serotonin. It is something I am very passionate about and have firsthand experience with, which is why my Writing Project will focus on depression. I chose to evaluate and transform the scholarly article Differential abnormalities in plasma 5-HIAA and platelet serotonin concentrations in violent suicide attempters: Relationships with impulsivity and depression (Differential Abnormalities), written by Spreux-Varoquaux et al. I have transformed it into two new genres—a set of instructions for an educational game for a younger audience and a Web MD post written for concerned adults—by using moves conventional of each genre.

              The primary objective of the article is to evaluate the plasma and platelet serotonin concentrations in “violent suicide attempters” and examine the association between these factors and depression and impulsivity (Spreux-Varoquaux et al. 2001). A group of twenty-seven suicide attempters admitted to intensive care units were selected upon a certain criteria, as well as a control group of fifteen subjects, to be interviewed by trained psychiatrists and evaluated on their levels of depression and impulsivity. After the interviewing process, both groups underwent the same blood sampling procedures in which “biochemical determinations” were made for the chemicals 5-hydroxyindolacetic acid (5-HIAA) (a serotonin metabolite) and homovanillic acid (HVA).  5-HIAA and HVA levels are measured through blood processing of both types of subjects to analyze adjacent to the interviews taken to qualitatively assess depression levels, which demonstrates the study’s overlap of the biological and psychological disciplines. Both physiological and cognitive assessments are performed to create relationships between hormone levels, mental health, and impulsive actions.

              The “younger” genre I created is a set of instructions for an educational and interactive game intended for 3^rd—5^th grade elementary school students. The goal of the game is to use a sensored “wand” to identify a certain brain region that an automated voice from the game asks you to locate. The “brain” is a large, plastic model that lights up when the correct region has been touched. The brain first asks the students to locate a certain region associated with certain functions and illnesses. If the students touch the correct region, the region lights up in yellow. If the incorrect area is touched, the whole brain turns red. It is intended for a classroom setting in which the teacher assigns students to groups so they can work together. The idea is for the teacher to give an intensive (for an elementary school student) lesson on anatomy and diseases of the brain and then introduce The Brain Game to the students as a way to encourage them to learn. The interactive and “colorful” nature of the game targets the 8—10 year age group, as older kids are not as intrigued by flashing lights and interactive games. The kids have to read the instructions on their own in order to figure out how the game works.

I used my prior knowledge of popular kids’ games and inspiration from the game Operation to think of moves to use for the instructions. I used a typical How to Play header to indicate that these were the instructions, and I separated the Game Setup and the To Win Points sections, so that kids would know where to look if they need help starting the game or how to play in general. I used a numbered list format in the form of “star boxes”. Together, the numbers and separate boxes make it clear the sequential order of the steps. This demonstrates the choice of moment perspective I took on the piece—a concept introduced by McCloud—as every box signifies an important but different aspect of the game. Using contrasting primary and secondary colors (such as green and orange) to grab the kids’ attention illustrates Losh and Alexander’s concept of performance through using visual rhetoric to instill joy and excitement in the child audience (132). This transformative piece is a creative and effective idea based on educating children on prevalent health issues via interactive learning. It is a proactive way of building health awareness in younger generations.

              Web MD targets a quite opposite audience. This valuable medical internet resource provides information on countless disorders and diseases, as well as treatments and other resources for those seeking help. The targeted ages are middle-aged adults (between 30—50 years old). Younger adults who might be experiencing depression are less likely to feel comfortable seeking help, whereas older adults might experience midlife crises or have a child or other relative possibly showing symptoms. The Web MD article does not serve as a direct diagnostic tool but offers suggestions and lists resources, encouraging the potentially depressed to seek professional help and let them know that they’re not alone.

              I used several moves to produce my own rendition of a Web MD post. For instance, I split the article into main segments: What is Depression?, What are the Symptoms?, and How do I Cure my Depression? Using this method, the information was explained in both a formal tone and other times in list form, such as when common symptoms were listed. Other typical conventions of a Web MD article were also incorporated into the piece, such as the logo, Tools and Resources section above the main article, links to other trending articles, and more. I tried to keep a similar font as well. The techniques I used to transform this piece embodied an overall choice of frame perspective. Unlike the scholarly article and the kids’ game instructions, this article uses a different angle to view the issue of depression (McCloud, 10). It portrays the disorder in a diagnostic light; the information is displayed to encourage people to get help, rather than simply to teach the audience of advances in science (Differential abnormalities) or encourage preventative education (The Brain Game).

Many people of all ages experience this disorder worldwide, and the negative consequences include lack of motivation, job loss, relationship dysfunction, and even suicide. The prevalence of people diagnosed with depression, especially in the United States, calls for an increase in accessible medical and counseling resources for people seeking help as well as health education and prevention programs to raise awareness for the disease. This high concern is what motivated me to transform the scholarly article into genres more accessible to younger and older audiences. By observing important conventions of each transformed genre, I was able to use moves that translated them into my own works.

Works Cited

Alexander, J. & Losh, E. “Writing Identities.” Understanding Rhetoric: A Graphic Guide to Writing. Boston: Bedford Books, 2013. 114—139. Print.

Alvarez, J-C., Batista, G., Berlin, I., Cremniter, D., Despierre, P-G., Gilton, A., Spreux-Varoquaux, O. “Differential abnormalities in plasma 5-HIAA and platelet serotonin concentrations in violent suicide attempters: Relationships with impulsivity and depression.” Life Sciences 69 (2001): 647—657. Web. 21 May 2016.

“Depression: Types of Antidepressants.” FamilyDoctor. American Academy of Family Physicians, September 2012. Web. 22 May 2016.

McCloud, Scott. “Writing with Pictures: Clarity, Persuasion, and Intensity.” Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art. New York: HarperPerrenial, 1994. 8—57. Print.

 “What is Depression?” WebMD. WebMD, 09 April 2016. Web. 21 May 2016.

WP3 younger genre--game instructions

Click here to view  my WP3 Brain Game Instructions, the younger genre.

WP3 First Draft

WP3

              Depression is a mental disorder characterized by constant feelings of sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness and is influenced by a “happiness” hormone called serotonin.  Either low serotonin levels in the brain or excessive neuronal reuptake of serotonin can cause depression symptoms. Many people of all ages experience this disorder worldwide, and the negative consequences include lack of motivation, job loss, relationship dysfunction, and even suicide. I have also had personal experiences with dealing with depression, which makes me very passionate about the subject. The prevalence of people diagnosed with depression, especially in the United States, calls for an increase in accessible medical and counseling resources for people seeking help as well as health education and prevention programs to raise awareness for the disease. Therefore, I am using the topic of depression to construct my final Writing Project. I have selected an article that researches the physiological processes behind depression and transformed it into two new genres, one that engages a younger audience and one that targets adults.

              I chose to evaluate and transform the scholarly article Differential abnormalities in plasma 5-HIAA and platelet serotonin concentrations in violent suicide attempters: Relationships with impulsivity and depression (Differential Abnormalities), written by Spreux-Varoquaux et al. and published in the Life Sciences journal.

              The primary objective of the article is to evaluate the plasma and platelet serotonin concentrations in “violent suicide attempters” and examine the association between these factors and depression and impulsivity (Spreux-Varoquaux et al. 2001). A group of twenty-seven suicide attempters admitted to intensive care units were selected upon a certain criteria, as well as a control group of fifteen subjects, to be interviewed by trained psychiatrists and evaluated on their levels of depression and impulsivity. After the interviewing process, both groups underwent the same blood sampling procedures in which “biochemical determinations” were made for the chemicals 5-hydroxyindolacetic acid (5-HIAA) (a serotonin metabolite) and homovanillic acid (HVA).  5-HIAA and HVA levels are measured through blood processing of both types of subjects to analyze adjacent to the interviews taken to qualitatively assess depression levels, which demonstrates the study’s overlap of the biological and psychological disciplines. Both physiological and cognitive assessments are performed to create relationships between hormone levels, mental health, and impulsive actions.

              The “younger” genre I created is a set of instructions for an educational and interactive game intended for 3^rd—5^th grade elementary school students. The goal of the game is to use a sensored “wand” to identify a certain brain region that an automated voice from the game asks you to locate. The “brain” is an enlarged, plastic, but realistic model of a brain that lights up when the correct region has been touched. The intended context is a classroom setting in which the teacher assigns students to groups so they can work together to play the game.

The genre I tailored to an older audience is a Web MD post. Web MD is a valuable medical internet resource that provides information on countless disorders and diseases, as well as treatments and other resources for those seeking help.

Week 8 Thlog

Week 8 Thlog

      The main focus of this week’s meetings was forming ideas for Writing Project 3. This WP might be the most challenging one for me. For some people it might be a fun chance to express their creativity, but I’m going to have to try really hard to find my creative side. Like I said in class, I’m not good with computer graphics or technology or anything. And I suck at coming up with my own ideas. That’s why I want to take advantage of the Web MD post, because I like the idea and I honestly can’t think of anything better.

      I like my topic right now, but I hope I can come up with enough ideas for my ‘younger’ genre. My idea is to create the brain game in which a voice within the game asks the child to identify a certain part of the brain by touching that part with a wand-type thing. I might manually draw and write the instructions so that I can incorporate color.

When we talked about summarizing in class, I didn’t think the concept was a big deal. But when I tried my best to summarize my WP3 article, it was challenging to condense all the key points into just two paragraphs, especially because the study had like five main focuses and used such scientific terminology.

      Another challenge of WP3 will be incorporating the McCloud reading into the paper. I think I’ll have to choose one of the important “choices” to focus on because the essay is so short. I might choose choice of angle but write about it in a metaphorical way. I can examine the different angles that each new genre looks at depression and the physiological process behind it. Like how the brain game uses these phenomena to teach kids, and Web MD portrays the information in a way that allows people looking for answers to find them, to self-diagnose.

PB3A

PB3A: The Brain Game

The scholarly article I plan on transforming for my Writing Project 3 is Differential abnormalities in plasma 5-HIAA and platelet serotonin concentrations in violent suicide attempters: Relationships with impulsivity and depression (Differential Abnormalities). Published by the Life Sciences journal, Spreux-Varoquaux et al. primarily aimed to evaluate plasma and platelet serotonin concentrations in “violent suicide attempters” and examine the relationship between these concentrations and depression and impulsivity. A select group of suicide attempters admitted to intensive care units, as well as a control group, are interviewed by trained psychiatrists to assess levels of depression and impulsivity. After that, both patients and control subjects underwent the same blood sampling procedures and “biochemical determinations” were made for the chemicals 5-hydroxyindolacetic acid (5-HIAA) (a serotonin metabolite) and homovanillic acid (HVA).

This study implements the overlap of the biological and psychological disciplines.  5-HIAA and HVA levels are measured via blood sampling of both types of subjects to analyze adjacent to the interviews taken to qualitatively assess depression levels. In this experiment, it is clear that both physiological and cognitive assessments are performed to form relationships between hormone levels, mental health, and impulsive actions.

I chose this article partially because I have experienced depression firsthand and have a family member who has suffered with severe depression (and subsequent alcoholism) his whole life. The disorder is very interesting to me; all the physiological processes involved and the external effects of those processes are so complex and fascinating. Diagnosis of depression and suicidal acts are prevalent worldwide, especially among young adults experiencing extreme peer pressure, raging hormones, and often bullying.

For the transformed genre targeting an adult audience, I was thinking of doing a Web MD post. Zack told us about how someone used that genre for their WP3 and I thought it was highly appropriate for my article. It might be somewhat difficult since I would describing a mental disorder, but I think it’s important for people to be able to identify their feelings of depression even if they lack counseling resources. Web MD could be a great preventative tool for people who are confused about their troubled thoughts. With the Web MD post, I could incorporate much of the language from the scholarly article as well as evidence discussing the indicative happiness hormones such as serotonin and dopamine. I can directly address the article in the post by saying things like “studies have shown that low serotonin levels are associated with depression and impulsivity, which can lead to suicide”.

To target a younger audience, I was thinking of creating a fake “brain game” similar to operation. This educational game would include lots of lights, beeping noises, and voice-animated tasks that would provide a fun and entertaining way to learn about the brain’s different functional parts and the neural network within it. I won’t be creating the game itself, but rather the easy-to-read instructions for it. The voice in the game would ask the child to identify a certain structure of the brain, and a beeper (just like Operation) will go off if the child touches a different part with the provided surgical tool. This hands-on learning tool is fun and engaging for kids, which helps them to subconsciously absorb information. Health education in younger generations will contribute to the awareness of the prevalence of people with mental disorders.

Week 7 Thlog

Week 7 Thlog

This week we mainly focused on ideas for Writing Project 3. Monday’s weekly  tips were very helpful and applicable. Process tip #1 (“know what you write”) I felt was really important because so often us students get stuck having to write about a topic that we’re really unfamiliar with. What I love about this class is its freedom of choice; we for the most part get to choose what to write about. I still had to do some researching for WP2 (obviously), but  getting to write about something I was interested in—underage drinking—and getting to analyze it from the perspectives I wanted to—biology and sociology—made the research process bearable. And being so familiar with scholarly research articles made it even easier. For other classes, I’m sure my freedom will be limited and I’ll eventually have to do intense research on a completely unfamiliar topic.

              Process tip #4 (“turn your paper into a poem”) was also surprisingly helpful. It’s an organization technique I had never encountered before, but it really does help me make sure my sentences transition smoothly . Using that strategy—by separating my paragraphs into individual sentences—I was able to see where I awkwardly moved on to the next topic and place a transition word/sentence there.

              Monday’s peer-reviewing was helpful because my peer-reader constructively criticized my paper and highlighted areas/concepts that needed more specificity. I found that there were quite a few areas where I was vague about concepts that were essential to the heart of the paper. I was able to go back and find definitions from course readings to support those terms or elaborate on them on my own.

              Today’s (Wednesday’s) class was at first overwhelming but ended up staying pretty structured. Besides the online setting, the objective of today’s class was pretty different than other lesson plans. Analyzing the painter’s teaching techniques showed me how Zack wants us to elaborately explain every aspect of our “new genres”.  I think the videos emphasize that every little detail is important. Missing one feature could subtract from the whole genre and make it lose its meaning altogether. It gave me a better idea of what Zack wants our WP3’s to look like, but I still want to hear more details in person because there are so many parts.

7.2 Journal 5/11/16

Q1: I'm fairly satisfied with my W2. I feel that I stayed much more on topic than WP1. Of course I'm a bit hesitant about it because there's always room to improve, but I'm satisfied with my topic of underage drinking and the way I structured the essay and I managed to fit it all into six pages! I also think the articles I found provided really good examples. I'm still unsure about my thesis statement. It fits my argument, but I don't know if I should be more specific.

Q2: Three comments: One helpful comment was that I should elaborate on course concepts that I mention in the paper, like moves and conventions. It shows that you're not just saying things and it's a good outlet to incorporate evidence from the readings. My peer reviewer also suggested that I elaborate on one of the moves I introduced; rather than just saying the author did it and provide a quote, I should explain how the quote shows that he is making that move. She also told me to further explain the significance of the difference between qualitative and quantitative approaches.

"Painting Trees" Question Responses:

1. What are some "moves you see in these videos?

Distant Trees:
sharp edges
short, vertical strokes
close together
reload brush frequently
"pond illusion" by painting bigger trees toward outside
bilateral symmetry of image
"planes" caused by shade gradients
dry, horizontal stroke to make reflections

Making Mountains
uses straight edge knife, drag edge along canvas to scrape off paint
2 inch soft wet brush to pull paint diagonally--drag color across to cause fad

Painting an Evergreen
fan brush, pull and wiggle it through paint, lots of paint
corner of brush to tap canvas back & forth to make branches, wider on bottom, "don't overkill"

Disney video:
Mark: arrangement of upward & outward lines, charcoal on light gray paper, 3D quality, black & white paint.

Josh: biggest brush with oil paint and lighter fluid, switches to palate knives, "careful & precise".

Ivand: focuses on trunk, casene for fine detail, texture of trunk bark.

Walt: strong, straight inclines, geometric interpretations (architecture).

2.How do these artists (Bob Ross and the Disney painters) describe what they’re doing?  What do the artists refer to while they describe their work?  What do they talk about?  What do they direct our attention towards?
Walt: He talks about how he envisions his painting, what he wants it to look like.  "I can see myself drawing it". Makes comparisons to architectural structures, geometric interpretations. "I have to be very careful to..." "I still look at it with an architectural perspective"
Josh: Sees tree as living thing w/ personality, wants to work fast and efficiently yet with careful & precision. "I consider ___ important".
Ivand: Sees richness and variety in nature. Won't paint the whole tree, will focus on trunk. "portrait of a tree trunk". Focuses on trunk's texture."I need to do this..."
Mark: Interested in growth pattern and bony structure."later, you will see how I use white". "of course, I can't do this until I do this". "There must be good design"


3.How would you characterize each artist's style, and what impact does their style have on you (a viewer/audience member)?  How have these artists chosen to portray their subject matter?

Walt has a "modern style" and uses geometric patterns to reinforce the idea of a tree as architecture. The image is unique and at first mind-blowing, not what the eyes expect.

I would say Mark had the "simplest" style, using black and white and not immense detail. When I think of painting a tree, this is how I would try to do it.

Josh I thought was realistic and abstract at the same time. Natural colors and crazy brush strokes. It's more aesthetically pleasing.

Ivand's was my favorite. The trunk detail was the most realistic and had the biggest "Disney" vibe.

Week 6 Thlog

Week 6 Thlog

              Discussing moves a lot more this week kind of helped me understand more of what moves are: they’re basically any decision you make in writing in order to improve your rhetoric. A move can be very broad, like a certain paragraph structure, or it can be a certain word you use often to surprise readers, to get their attention. The ambiguity of the term move will make it easier for me to pick out the different moves the authors of my three WP2 sources make; I can compare overall essay structure and then dive into the smaller details like the jargon of their different disciplines. Wednesday’s comparison/contrast between conventions and moves was also helpful.

              Speaking of WP2, I’m really nervous about finding the perfect topic. I really want to write about something I’m passionate about, and I found a topic that interests me, but I’m having a hard time finding a second scholarly source in the sociology field. I have everything else and I already did my shitty first draft, but if I can’t find another article that relates to my topic soon I’ll have to start all over again with a new topic. I just really want to get a better grade on this WP than the last one. At first I thought it was going to be a lot easier than the last prompt but after searching for relevant articles I realized it’s actually going to require a lot more research.

              Going over the two sample essays by “The Chief” and “Red Rosie” in Wednesday’s class gave me a much better idea of what Writing Project 2 should look like. I think critiquing the errors in their papers helped me recognize mistakes that I can easily avoid now. And in general the examples kind of give me a guideline to work off of. The layout of both essays was fairly simple and structured in a way that exactly fit the prompt for our essay.

PB2B: Making Moves

PB2B

Below are some common moves used by renowned writers and some that I created myself by observing patterns among essays we have read in class.

Entertaining Objections:

This is a chance for the writer to acknowledge an opposing/differing viewpoint from his own in order to show the audience that he has considered other sides. It demonstrates his ability to see other people’s perspectives—to be open-minded— which builds his ethos credit. Then when he offers reasoning to oppose this viewpoint and support his own, the audience is more likely to hear him out. A good example is from Peter Elbow’s Two Kinds of Thinking: “You might also argue that intuitive thinking is better enhanced by silent musing; or going for a walk or sleeping…but such attempts…often merely postpone thinking” (Elbow, 59). His introduction of a counterargument provides an outlet to emphasize reasoning towards his own point.

Establishing Why Your Claims Matter:

              This is critical in any argumentative piece; it takes the exigence and magnifies it to a bigger, often global, scale. The purpose of this “bigger picture” is to turn the problem into one that affects the reader, not just the writer. This move allows one to explicitly state why the reader should care about and listen to his argument, because sometimes it’s less obvious. In Steps Toward Rhetorical Analysis, Carroll states that “college is not the only place where an understanding of how rhetoric works is important” and explains further that rhetorical expertise can be used “from boardrooms to your children’s classrooms or churches to city council meetings” (Carroll, 57). By giving examples of everyday situations in which rhetoric is necessary, the reader is more likely to find the information useful.

Making What “They Say” Something You Say:

              This move relies on relatability to engage readers. It is used in more informal writings; the author uses personal pronouns to refer to himself and achieve a more conversational tone. The author often refers to a belief or opinion that he has or an experience he has had in the past to hopefully draw upon a belief/experience that his readers also share. The purpose is to get the readers to agree with him on some level so they will more easily be convinced of his main argument.  Mike Bunn illustrates this move with his statement “I was an English major in college, but I don’t think I ever thought much about reading” (Bunn, 72), which uses the fact that he attended college and disliked schoolwork to get on his young readers’ levels.

Capturing Authorial Action:

Capturing Authorial Action introduces “experts in the field”, the field being either the area in which the writer’s argument lies or the field that opposes said argument. These people don’t actually have to be experts but have some level of credentials and a strong opinion about the topic. This device can be used to support or provide a counterargument for the author’s claim, but it simply shows the reader that he’s done his research and is not just speaking for himself. Bunn exemplifies this concept when he says “Author David Jauss makes a similar comparison…” (Bunn, 74), which follows the formula “X thinks ___”. In this case, his reference supports his argument.

Explaining Quotations:

This is always an effective move. The author shows that not only can he provide evidence, but that he is aware of the connection between it and his claim. Doing this can also allow readers to better understand why the evidence actually serves as evidence—what it is about the quote that adds value/significance to the writer’s case. After providing a lengthy quote by “leading professor” Carolyn Miller, Dirk continues with “In other words, Miller is saying that all genres matter because they shape our everyday lives” (Dirk, 254). This statement provides a clear explanation for the point Dirk wants to get across by using Miller’s quote.

Moves I Coined

Piece-by-Piece:

              Most of the readings we’ve discussed in class so far have incorporated this technique to create a more comprehensible structure. Writers separate sections of their paper by placing titles above each new section. The title provides a clue to the reader as to what will be discussed in the following segment, and provides clear transitions between two areas of the argument. One perfect example is Responding to Other Students’ Writing, where Staub uses subtitles like “How do You Get Started?” to separate different main points regarding peer-review. Titles in question form are common in essays that teach the reader how to do something, whereas non-question titles appear in more argumentative pieces.

Rhetorical Rhetoric:

This is a simple yet subtly powerful method in which the writer asks a rhetorical question. The question serves to ignite active thinking within the reader, to get him to think deeper about the addressed topic and not just read the words on the page. The desired outcome of asking these thought-provoking questions is for the reader to generate his own opinion on the matter and to learn to analyze. In Murder! (Rhetorically Speaking), Boyd asks the insanely simple yet investigative question “Why is it funny?” to get her student readers to understand the “extent to which we… internalize our rhetorical tools” through media, literature, and social influences (Boyd, 90).

The Knee-Slapper:

With this move, the author uses humor to attract younger readers (people our age). A funny line is usually inserted near a significant point in the argument to draw attention to that point. Its purpose is to make a bland or serious argument more lighthearted and fun to read, so that readers are more likely to pay attention. Boyd concludes Murder with “You can see now that when I told you [about rhetoric]…I wasn’t just feeding you a bunch of bull” (Boyd, 100). In this case she hints at using explicit language to cause a laugh and make the conversation less formal.

Self-Critique:

This is a less common but very effective move in which the author takes parts of his own work to get students thinking about his writing techniques. Doing so encourages readers to dissect what they read, to discover its underlying parts and think about why the writer made certain choices. Bunn demonstrates this by deconstructing his opening paragraph in How to Read Like a Writer and providing examples of questions the reader should ask in order to understand his own moves.

Writing about Writing:

This last move is defined by an author’s demonstrations of specific writing techniques in order to teach about good writing. Instead of just talking about it, the author includes examples of the concept he is referring to. This provides an aspect of visual learning, where the writer can see first-hand exactly what is being discussed. The samples also serve as potential templates that readers can use in their own writing. In So What? Who Cares?, Birkenstein and Graff provide examples like “These findings have important implications for the broader domain of _____” to show good ways to give “real-world applications to your claims” (Birkenstein  & Graff, 99).